Dipple, dopple,
Drupple, drapple.
Fall down, down, down.
Water fall down,
Over earth rising,
Boulder bank breaking,
Bedded earth rising.
Flow down, down, down.
To switching sands of shores uncertain,
To seas of strange and untrusting
Waters deep; deepened by our tears of woe
But then to go
Toward on high
Where clouds will fly onward home
From whence to roam and roam again
To wherever where, whenever when
Sometime soon we’ll meet again,
Somewhere where, some when, when.
A recent posting on still life ...with life reminded me of this effort from 12 years ago, so I decided to post it here.
I wrote this after visiting a friend who was attending Cornell in Ithaca, upstate New York. Ithaca's surroundings are dramatically cut by beautiful gorges and this probably prompted the water theme which I combined with an old favourite of mine, the theme of return. Although there are no direct references to Odysseus I was thinking of his return home to that other Ithaca in Greece after his travels.
Inventing words can come across as a naive pursuit and I'm not sure they fully work here but I have decided to leave the poem in the original November 1995 form. I also probably should apologize to Gerard Manley Hopkins as this is one of a few poems that has been influenced by his writings.
For more information ..
ithaca, usa
ithaca, greece
still life ...with life
gerard manley hopkins
inversnaid
6 comments:
A sorta double sided poem, or one of two halves, I prefer the first two verses. What is the Manly Hopkins connection??
I like the made up words and find it neither naive nor inapproapriate. Can you recommend GMH, anything in particular??
What makes water a recurring theme?? Do you swim?? I don't, and have a genuine fear of the water tho' Gill and Cam are water babies??
Overall I loved the first bit but you kinda got into an explanation in the second part which, tho' I liked the change in pace was not necessasy for me..... The best word in the whole thing is "ithaca" probably made up at some stage...
I am curious as to why you did not use a capital "I"? A typo or something deeper??
There seems to be an underlying theme of uncertainty in many of your poems... or is it just me reading too much into it?? Though again, as you acknowledge elsewhere, an optomistic ending wins out. Maybe you should separate the two halves and treat them as two different poems. Are you uncertain and hoping for a good ending in life and the rest???
Still when all is said and done we are discussing it which in itself is the main thing.
keep omn keeping on
J.
The link with Hopkins...this is a nature poem and one in which the rhythm and the pace harmonize with meaning as with Hopkins' Inversnaid. Did you click the link to see it?
I would also recommend Windhover, as kingfishers catch fire and Pied Beauty.
I didn't see them as two part but I see how they can read like that, there is a shift certainly and that is reflected by the shift in pace and form.
Yes, I guess I see how the second part reads as a little 'preachy'. I was trying to make the connection between the world of nature (in the first 8 lines) and the personal world (in the remainder) but should try to do it in a more subtle way. Show don't tell.
I don't capitalize any of the words in my post headings, that is the reason for the lowercase. If I was writing this elsewhere it would be capitalized.
Water is not the recurring theme of my poems, the concept of return is a recurring theme, I should post another example.
Thanks for the feedback, I will see what I can do to improve. Thanks for been an editor.
I like some shift within a poem. I like to start in one palce and end in another.
Opps, no intention of criticism, merely discussion, and certainly not being an editor only your dad is qualified to do that. I didn't find the second half "Preachy" I found it different and maybe ?forced or managed the firt seemed to flow uninhibited and is nice for that.
The theme of "return" or is it I wonder "leaving" Yes poat more .....
I checked the links to GMH and honestly don't understand him much tho' I see thje connection you mention. i never "did" him at school and whilst I know the name he is lost on me... is there A text worthy of him explaianing the whole things in 300 pages or less?? Is he worth the effort???
Lastly you cant really improve on this ... you can change it but at leaast I can't suggest improvement, let it lie it is out there now and we are talking about it..that is the best feedback, the fact that it is under discussion
Keep it alive
Rave on GMH and AAPM
Hey bro I like some shift too
Sorry, cross wries here, I didn't mind the critique. I have become some familiar with these writings that it is good to get a fresh perspective.
I have no particular book to recommend, just check out GMH on the web.
Checked out GMH on the net, overly ornate and religious maybe for me but I see the Windhover connection really clearly. good poem more please We really should start working on thses a l;ittle, well I should
Cheers
j.
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